What I’ve Learned……

The Taoists believe that the wisest are those that are the youngest and those that are the oldest.

Not in our society although through various activities such as volunteering for hospice on one end and having children on the other, I often learn the most from the ones most would least expect.

Some of what I have learned lately….

Listen More, Speak Less

  • Listening without feeling the need to respond is such a skill set.  Feeling secure in the silence  without needing to add to, respond to, or question such is rather difficult and why there is such a calling for psychologists coaches and the like whose job is in essence to listen without judgment.  
  • Starting at a very young age if someone is not allowed to have a voice, to be heard and to feel that they are being heard that person will develop certain defense mechanisms that can and often do manifest as issues later.
  • Even those that are at the eldest of ages still feel that they have spent a lifetime of not being heard, while others have never really listened and some will never have their story told.
Justice Sounds A Lot Like Revenge
  • What does justice look like, and what is the purpose, or more importantly, what is the higher purpose of each individual and all of society because if our purpose is to be happy, to find peace, and to be loved then so often justice is not served but rather it is revenge.  
  • Forgiveness is often equated as a weakness but takes one of the strongest wills of all.
  • True story – a woman’s husband was brutally murdered right beside her.  The man was later easily sought, found, convicted, and was awaiting the death penalty.  The woman  who had a terrible time with nightmares and such that is often the case with these events woke up in the middle of one night to the sound of the word “forgive” ringing in her ear.  The next morning she drove to the jail to meet face to face the man who brutally killed her husband.   He cussed her out, and told her never to come back. She did. And, he did the same.  That continued until one day he broke down and asked why she continued to come back.  Forgiveness.  Once he broke down, he told her about how he was always told he was nothing was worthless and so he became what everyone thought he would be.  From that day forward they became friends.  She asked the court to change their ruling. They voted to continue as scheduled. Just would be served.  She was there at his last day on Earth. 
  • The story is true, although my recounts of such is how I remember them so may not be entirely as it happened.
Silence equals Growth
  • Which way to turn may not be as simple as taking this left, or this right, as life is more like a labyrinth that we are supposed to navigate on a daily and minute to minute basis.  Sometimes, it can seem like we’re rats in a cage going around and around on a wheel but getting nowhere. Other times it seems so difficult trying to figure out what to do that we suffer analysis paralysis and end up doing nothing.  
  • The answers are a plenty.  Getting to the final destination is not the ultimate quest but rather to simply enjoy the journey.  
  • To feel completely scattered is natural and normal, from time to time, and whenever out of balance there are many means to regaining ones balance.  There are religious philosophies, spiritual paths, and friendly voices of friends and family.  There is also that quiet place in our mind’s eye that by simply stopping, staying silent and quieting the mind we can find quite miraculously things there that we never thought we could find.  
  • Sometimes the answer, other times the way. Sometimes they are both the same. 

Have a great day!!

Bryan Hayes
 Personal Philosophy: 

 Destiny:  To help create a more loving, hopeful and connected planet. 

Cause:    To have an authentic provocative global impact on the planet. 

Calling:  To speak from the heart; write from the soul; and to lead by inspiring myself, and others, to greatness.



I will share something that came to me last night – and I couldn’t sleep afterwards. But, I had this thought, feeling, revelation – whatever it may be, but the idea that came to me is that we should pray for peace at 9:11 tonight.

By peace it doesn’t mean peace for for our country, peace from wars, or peace on our planet. Rather, it is peace within.

It is my own ideology that nirvana, heaven, bliss or whatever that may look for someone can be summed up in one word “Peace“.

I believe that for everyone I know I don’t pray that they will get better, that their circumstances will improve or such but rather if they, and everyone around them can find peace, then everything else works out naturally.

If someone in our lives is suffering, we want so badly for them to feel better and to improve. That is natural, and in some ways selfish on our part, but I think though that if we simply ask for peace that is in of itself enough.

When speaking to people who know someone who is close to death, they often times become really peaceful beforehand. There was a woman I met in the keys who had a son who had died in a freak accident (lightning strike), and a husband who died a year later. She told me that with her son he was very much at peace right before the accident. Afterwards, they found a note from him that said in part that they needn’t worry he was in a better place and he had found peace. Now granted, I’ll repeat by saying that he died in a freak accident. There was no warning or anything, which makes the letter from him that much more freaky if you will.

The point of the story is basically that it matters not as much what one believes, or how they perceive the world to be but rather it is universal that everyone is trying to find one thing among many things, peace within.

It doesn’t really matter if it’s 9:11 as time is what it is. What the idea is though is a time, if you will, to focus on a greater sense of peace for ourselves and for others.

And, with that I will leave you with a mantra shared to me most recently that is Hawaiian in origin and goes along very well with this I think:

I love you; I am sorry; Please forgive me; Thank you.

I simply add one word to it after:



Thank You….

Fortunate am I for a myriad of opportunities, of places here and there, and of such amazing people whether they be simply walking by and saying hi or for being around for a season or more.  Whatever that has passed my way, I have learned from and am still learning. I realize that the more I think I know, really the more I really have no idea, as I have only begun.  What I have come to the conclusion of though is that whoever it may be, gracious I should be.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. 
It turns what we have into enough,
and more. 
It turns denial into acceptance,
chaos to order, confusion to clarity. 
It can turn a meal into a feast,
a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend. 
 ~ Melody Beattie

Whether it’s some rather large need, or something rather minute in scale never do we really know if someone is need – of something.  Maybe it is simply an acknowledgement of their being, of having someone out there letting them know that they are concerned.  Whatever that may be, we all have those moments.

 There was a woman some time ago that when asked what she was grateful for, she replied rather truthfully, “Nothing”.   In her mind, there was nothing to be grateful for, that she had nothing.  I asked her if she was in front of a computer, because there is a lot of people in this world without a computer.  She said, she was.   I inquired about her living arrangements and if she was fortunate enough to be living in a house or apartment rather than being on the streets as is the case for so many.  She said, she was.  I wondered if she had a job, since so many are without one.  She said, she had one.  I continued by asking if she was able to pay her bills this month and if there was any money left over in her account since a plethora of those out there wish they could say the same.  She said, she did and there is.  I queried her about her health and asked if she was sick even terminally so as so many suffer daily from health related issues that cause constant pain or are terminally ill and know they don’t have much further to go.   She said, she was fine.
Her honesty continued by her saying that she had never thought that way. It was a new line of thinking.  She never even thought about those things.  She never thought about those things, and it never even occurred to her be grateful as they went unnoticed.
Instead, she focused on lack and on when she did not have.  She spent her entire living feeling that she had nothing, when in fact, she was quite rich.  She was poor in her own mind though in many a myriad of ways.
What this particular person needed was someone to shed a little light on her darkness and her help her to become aware of the things that she for so long had overlooked. In fact, her entire life was that way and because of that she never really experienced any type of satisfaction.  Hers was rather unfulfilled so she asked my advice.   It was elementary.   Simply start by giving thanks.
“Give thanks for a little and you will find a lot.” 
~ The Hausa of Nigeria
Utilizing that same principle, my intention is quite a simple one and that is to say:  Thank you.
I appreciate all that you have done for me so is there anything I can do for you?
I find it quite interesting when every now and then I’ll simply throw it there and say – how can I help you?
Never know how someone may respond.  Typically not at all, and that most certainly is perfect.
And, whatever the new day and week brings to you I hope yours is a great one and it brings you all that you need, want and desire.
“For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh Beautiful Freedom

Waking up feeling like it’s Monday morning dragging my weary head

away from the pillow prying one eyeball open to the sting of the light

peeling the sheet off my sweaty crawling skin the hangover not from alcohol

but from the intoxication of yet another overwhelming day

spanked by Karma once again burning from the sting of being bitten

by the sickness and now restrained from being able to get up

and start the day not realizing that today may just be sweeter

than honey dripping from the nectar of opportunities

because the voices of can’t and won’t still are ringing

virtually defeated submitting to his mind control telling

me that he’s right and its sheer pain to think otherwise

for he’s pounded it so often into me that there seems but no

hope for anything more anything better anything true

because they are all the same everyone

so lay here wallowing in my own guilt as the rain pours

outside my window pane whenever will the sun again

rise for me to provide me warmth comfort and shelter

from it all as its too much for one person

the only one here desperate and uncontrollably afraid

to open myself up to even try and make it out

of this hallow cave where no one can ever see me

nor do I want to be seen or heard or touched or felt

no this time it’s over and there is no going back

Yesterday she is but a whore who took everything

and did it with a smile for she knew exactly what to do

to break me in two and watch me fold whimper and beg

for more like a torrid hunger for the thirst of suffering

begging me for more you and her and all the lies you told

all the while knowing I will come don’t you I am but a pet

salivating at the thought of  his unmistakable scent

as the more I try to free myself from these ties

the more they dig into my wrists burying themselves further

into my soft silken skin that was once was so sensitive

before it was made raw from the tension and the grip

strong is the hand that binds both mind body and soul

letting go is not for anyone else’s will but that of my own

and like a whisper in the wind I see you standing at the door

like a brilliant light I feel the surge of electricity shooting

through my veins just seeing what true strength looks like

and for the first time in a lifetime I forget who I was and knew

I have to have you here and now before the sun even rises

right here in the rain we shall dance and while I won’t be taken

you are mine come here and let me whisper it in your ear

“You are mine Today. You are here, and yes Today, you will be mine.”

there is no more Yesterday as she is but a past memory

that is but faded into the distance and now as the candles

flicker like your tongue against my want for more

I will make the most of Today not take you for granted

or wait for another day in desperate hope for something greater

something more to come before me and save me

because you see Today no one can save me

as I am no longer a victim of this cruel charade

I know what I want and it’s you Today and you do not

have to fret my dear either as Tomorrow no matter how good

he may look is no threat as I am here right now and finally living

in the moment seeing and knowing for the first time as truth

that you are not all the same you are different than Yesterday

and we shall crash into each other again and again

because Today you came to my room lifting me from my demise

so now I know the taste of freedom and am ready to let go

no longer afraid of Yesterday as I now am finally ready to meet you


Would you Know What to Say?

If you were to stand alone before God

What would you say?

Would you know where to go?

Or would your words get in the way?

Sometimes, in this great big wacky world that we live in

we can so easy forget all that we see hear and know to be true

letting instead that dreaded fear be what gets in the way

holding us back holding on and holding us still from moving on

whatever it may be that blocks us from opening the door

or stops us from saying what we need to say

or going where we need to go to get away from here

when here is not positive and or productive but rather

is simply just not working and yet it’s easier to stay

when gripped with fear fingers wrapped around tightly

afraid to step out onto the ledge knowing there is that

chance of falling crying or even dying and the feeling

is so overwhelming that the wind seems to cut like glass

stinging the flesh when not far from the edge life may seem

 lost and unable to change with even the pain not enough

to progress grappling with the disease fighting the monster

within all of us when inadequacy gets the best of us

although today is a new day and this is the moment to no

longer be afraid and to scream to the heavens just to be heard

for the very first time ready to act and to finally let go

of yesterday’s sorrow and tomorrow’s apprehension

of not being enough for we are more than qualified to be

who we are and who we are meant to be as we are ready

yes we are to live and with love and believing in whatever

it is that we believe because whatever we believe is

and will be so walk to the edge of thinking you’re alone

and open your arms to the sky knowing you’re

gong to soar and no matter what comes your way

whether it’s tomorrow or today you will be loved

and most importantly it will in the end be ok

6 / 2 / 2012


Just Happy To Be (alive)

Shortly after the storm passed, there is the inevitable clean up and the aftermath associated with it.  While it is the calm after the storm, it is anything but calming with power lines down and trees covering the roads along with debris scattered everywhered.   Then, there is the loss of electricity that makes you realize all of those applianances and of course air conditioning that you take for granted until you no longer have it.

This was the last hurricane I was in, and we were in the eye.   There was a lot of destruction and for some it was months before they were able to get back to their  normal daily life.    Like everything though, handles the wrath of the storm a little differently and perceives the storm itself in their own unique way.

Those of us who could make it back to work went back as soon as possible.  The first day was rather interesting, because of all the stories that I heard.

The first one was just as I walked in the door.   I was met by someone who was just distraught, and beside themsleves because they had lost electricity and been without for 5 hours.  They were miserable without it!  No television for five hours!?!?!?  That was their greatest concern.

Later, I met someone who was without not only their electricity but also their water.  While not as distressed as the initial person, they were quite upset.  No shower!??!?!  That was their greatest concern.

Then, I met someone who had not only lost their electrcity and their water, they lost the entire roof off their house.   They explained how the rain would just be pouring in and then it would be so hot after from the direct exposure to the sun, and while they grumbled, they were more shaken than anything else.   No one was hurt.  That was their greatest concern.

Finally, I met a couple who not only was without electricity, air, their roof but they lost their house and everything in it.  In a matter of seconds it was all gone.  Everything they owned from their clothes, to their appliances, to even their pictures had disappeared.   They now had absolutely nothing besides the clothes they were wearing.

They looked back at where their house used and then back to each other.  They actually smiled.  They knew what had just transpired.  They understood the ramifications of losing it all, yet they spoke eloquently when they said to me that they had no concern, because most of the various stuff that they owned it could be replaced.

What they had was each other, and they knew that would carry them through as they said,

“We are just happy to be alive.”

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