Have you ever really noticed beauty? Not the meaning but rather the word itself. What does it mean? And what does it mean to you?
Whatever your idea of beauty that says more about yourself than it does anything else. The perception of beauty is a societal one, although the reflection of beauty a personal one. So again, what is beauty and what does it mean to you?
There on the inside beauty lies in wait to reveal itself. Dormant is the love awaiting to come alive. Not dead but rather muted. That is pain so many feel, because they have yet to realize that they too have something of a prize.
When I was 15 years old, it was sports that kept me into and out of things. It was my comfort zone of sorts as I did not really relate to the teenage mentality. Drinking never seemed cool. It was something I never felt as a need or even a want and really it was for no apparent reason.
There was a lot that I didn’t get into, and that was the making of me as a real person. The reality is that by living, some will agree and some will disagree. Not everyone is going to see us as we see ourselves. Not everyone is going to like us. As a teenager, being liked is a means to an end. That posturing for popularity compels people to work so hard to be in a position to be noticed.
What people remember me for is either my post-high school days or that from my senior year. That was when I was recognized, positively sometimes, and negatively in others. It was not until I was substitute teaching in the same high school that I attended that a student shared with me that I was the town drug dealer. Ironic, the one who never even drank was not merely taking drugs but was distributing them.
That is the beauty of life. People perceive it through their periscope, which is rather narrow in scope through which we too often make assumptions. That is an easy pit to fall into if not careful. So too is listening to others perception of beauty (or lack thereof) and making it our own. Their voice can silence our own.
When we have lost our voice, we have lost our way. We are not whole. Not full. And, most of us have been there at one time or another.
Very few young adults (and even adults) recognize that they are full, and by full I mean complete. There is a difference between being at peace and being full of yourself. Being complete, is in essence, being beautiful.
It is never too late to find that beauty is inside you. No matter how old you are. No matter your situation.
There was a woman I knew who at around 350 pounds had more love her body than probably 90% of the models that I have worked with over the years. She cared less that she was obese. Furthermore, she never listened to what anyone else thought about her because she truly inside and out liked herself.
Because she was full, her beauty is what people saw. She was radiant, because she did not hide behind who she was or really who she was not. It was that inner strength that she recognized knowing that her gifts are far reaching and she need not be model thin to be happy.
Happiness is something that I have been accused of being too often as one of my main affliction. That and being overly positive were too of my afflictions. Even in my most timid and shy times, my mainstay was that I was usually smiling. Going deeper, it was not until I fell that I was able to get up and see myself for the first time. It was not until I lost myself that I was able to find who I really was.
Smiling may have offered a sense of well being; my happiness may have masked an underlying void that kept me enjoying life to the fullest. Today, I have but only a handful of pictures as a teenager and the same can be said for my college years.
The opposite of beauty is ugly, and if that is what we see, then that becomes our reality. I saw it too as a result of not feeling comfortable in my own skin. It mattered not if someone complimented or insulted me, I had my own reality and it was not working for me.
One of the most gorgeous women I had ever met was equally one of the loneliest spending most every weekend alone by herself. Men were too intimidated and women she felt were jealous of her because of her looks. Truth be told, she was recognized only for her looks. She thought never thought she was good enough. She compared herself to perfection, whatever that means even when others saw her as perfect. Her perception meant her reflection, and as a result, her reality.
With age, she lost what were her most recognizable features and the more she sunk into anonymity the more comfortable about herself she became. She never completely realized that all along she was full, because peace was ever elusive. When kept chasing something that she could never have, because it was an illusion.
I am fortunate in that I found myself in time to appreciate what I have and not be concerned with anything or anyone that I am not. Did she? Maybe we will never really know. How about you? Are you complete? Full? Can you see yourself as truly beautiful?
The better question is how do you find that beauty, and in my opinion, it is a matter of first finding peace, happiness and contentment with just being you. You are a gift. Your gift to the world is in part who you are. If you are not living your gift, there is no better time than right now.
I wanted to embrace myself in what others feel like chained by that misery, of not liking themselves, of seeing themselves as being ugly, as not good enough as I am writing this. In the process, my keys became stuck on the keyboard. I took that as an opportunity.
Unhooking the keyboard from the computer, I examined it before taking it into the kitchen where I set out to symbolically feel what it is like making that transformation to finally being free by literally smashing the keyboard against the counter. My vision was that it would break cleanly in half from the force, but instead, the keys went flying across the room so I hit it again. More keys flying. So, I did it again then took it across my knee and now in multiple pieces I saw it once again.
Before it was full, complete, if you will. Now lying there in pieces with keys scattered throughout the kitchen floor I could see how the black of the keys melted nicely with the red in the floor. I saw not the keyboard as being in pieces, missing keys but rather the potential for being a work of art.
Beautiful, it is.
And, we are.
Finding your beauty may be something that is still a work in progress for you. Life is a canvas, your walking through it a brush, and how you live it is the portrait that you are painting.
It is not without pain, struggle and perseverance to move Out of the Haze, but I now believe that I have found a place where I myself feel like I love life more than any person on the planet. I relish the world I live in, including the body that has been afforded me.
It was when I opened my eyes that I then realized life is BeaUtiFull.
There are times when aspects of our lives (whether it be personal, professional, financial, spiritual, physical, emotional, or whatever it may be) we deem as being more ugly than beautiful. If you would like to ask how I have found the brush that works for me living in a world I find as beautiful, feel free to send me a message. As a coach, I love helping others find their beauty. As a photographer, I love capturing all that is beautiful. It is especially exciting to work with someone who does not deem themselves as possessing beauty be transformed if you will into something beautiful.