Oh Beautiful Freedom

Waking up feeling like it’s Monday morning dragging my weary head

away from the pillow prying one eyeball open to the sting of the light

peeling the sheet off my sweaty crawling skin the hangover not from alcohol

but from the intoxication of yet another overwhelming day

spanked by Karma once again burning from the sting of being bitten

by the sickness and now restrained from being able to get up

and start the day not realizing that today may just be sweeter

than honey dripping from the nectar of opportunities

because the voices of can’t and won’t still are ringing

virtually defeated submitting to his mind control telling

me that he’s right and its sheer pain to think otherwise

for he’s pounded it so often into me that there seems but no

hope for anything more anything better anything true

because they are all the same everyone

so lay here wallowing in my own guilt as the rain pours

outside my window pane whenever will the sun again

rise for me to provide me warmth comfort and shelter

from it all as its too much for one person

the only one here desperate and uncontrollably afraid

to open myself up to even try and make it out

of this hallow cave where no one can ever see me

nor do I want to be seen or heard or touched or felt

no this time it’s over and there is no going back

Yesterday she is but a whore who took everything

and did it with a smile for she knew exactly what to do

to break me in two and watch me fold whimper and beg

for more like a torrid hunger for the thirst of suffering

begging me for more you and her and all the lies you told

all the while knowing I will come don’t you I am but a pet

salivating at the thought of  his unmistakable scent

as the more I try to free myself from these ties

the more they dig into my wrists burying themselves further

into my soft silken skin that was once was so sensitive

before it was made raw from the tension and the grip

strong is the hand that binds both mind body and soul

letting go is not for anyone else’s will but that of my own

and like a whisper in the wind I see you standing at the door

like a brilliant light I feel the surge of electricity shooting

through my veins just seeing what true strength looks like

and for the first time in a lifetime I forget who I was and knew

I have to have you here and now before the sun even rises

right here in the rain we shall dance and while I won’t be taken

you are mine come here and let me whisper it in your ear

“You are mine Today. You are here, and yes Today, you will be mine.”

there is no more Yesterday as she is but a past memory

that is but faded into the distance and now as the candles

flicker like your tongue against my want for more

I will make the most of Today not take you for granted

or wait for another day in desperate hope for something greater

something more to come before me and save me

because you see Today no one can save me

as I am no longer a victim of this cruel charade

I know what I want and it’s you Today and you do not

have to fret my dear either as Tomorrow no matter how good

he may look is no threat as I am here right now and finally living

in the moment seeing and knowing for the first time as truth

that you are not all the same you are different than Yesterday

and we shall crash into each other again and again

because Today you came to my room lifting me from my demise

so now I know the taste of freedom and am ready to let go

no longer afraid of Yesterday as I now am finally ready to meet you

Today

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Would you Know What to Say?

If you were to stand alone before God

What would you say?

Would you know where to go?

Or would your words get in the way?

Sometimes, in this great big wacky world that we live in

we can so easy forget all that we see hear and know to be true

letting instead that dreaded fear be what gets in the way

holding us back holding on and holding us still from moving on

whatever it may be that blocks us from opening the door

or stops us from saying what we need to say

or going where we need to go to get away from here

when here is not positive and or productive but rather

is simply just not working and yet it’s easier to stay

when gripped with fear fingers wrapped around tightly

afraid to step out onto the ledge knowing there is that

chance of falling crying or even dying and the feeling

is so overwhelming that the wind seems to cut like glass

stinging the flesh when not far from the edge life may seem

 lost and unable to change with even the pain not enough

to progress grappling with the disease fighting the monster

within all of us when inadequacy gets the best of us

although today is a new day and this is the moment to no

longer be afraid and to scream to the heavens just to be heard

for the very first time ready to act and to finally let go

of yesterday’s sorrow and tomorrow’s apprehension

of not being enough for we are more than qualified to be

who we are and who we are meant to be as we are ready

yes we are to live and with love and believing in whatever

it is that we believe because whatever we believe is

and will be so walk to the edge of thinking you’re alone

and open your arms to the sky knowing you’re

gong to soar and no matter what comes your way

whether it’s tomorrow or today you will be loved

and most importantly it will in the end be ok

6 / 2 / 2012

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Just Happy To Be (alive)

Shortly after the storm passed, there is the inevitable clean up and the aftermath associated with it.  While it is the calm after the storm, it is anything but calming with power lines down and trees covering the roads along with debris scattered everywhered.   Then, there is the loss of electricity that makes you realize all of those applianances and of course air conditioning that you take for granted until you no longer have it.

This was the last hurricane I was in, and we were in the eye.   There was a lot of destruction and for some it was months before they were able to get back to their  normal daily life.    Like everything though, handles the wrath of the storm a little differently and perceives the storm itself in their own unique way.

Those of us who could make it back to work went back as soon as possible.  The first day was rather interesting, because of all the stories that I heard.

The first one was just as I walked in the door.   I was met by someone who was just distraught, and beside themsleves because they had lost electricity and been without for 5 hours.  They were miserable without it!  No television for five hours!?!?!?  That was their greatest concern.

Later, I met someone who was without not only their electricity but also their water.  While not as distressed as the initial person, they were quite upset.  No shower!??!?!  That was their greatest concern.

Then, I met someone who had not only lost their electrcity and their water, they lost the entire roof off their house.   They explained how the rain would just be pouring in and then it would be so hot after from the direct exposure to the sun, and while they grumbled, they were more shaken than anything else.   No one was hurt.  That was their greatest concern.

Finally, I met a couple who not only was without electricity, air, their roof but they lost their house and everything in it.  In a matter of seconds it was all gone.  Everything they owned from their clothes, to their appliances, to even their pictures had disappeared.   They now had absolutely nothing besides the clothes they were wearing.

They looked back at where their house used and then back to each other.  They actually smiled.  They knew what had just transpired.  They understood the ramifications of losing it all, yet they spoke eloquently when they said to me that they had no concern, because most of the various stuff that they owned it could be replaced.

What they had was each other, and they knew that would carry them through as they said,

“We are just happy to be alive.”